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In my experience, engagement parties seem to have people confused about the right thing to do. Do you bring a gift or not get a gift? This is the question.
As a rule, it is not necessary to bring a gift to an engagement party. This is a time to bring family and friends together to celebrate and honor the newly engaged couple. However, it is acceptable to get a card, bottle of wine or champagne, or a small unique gift for the couple to enjoy together.
Recently, I attended two engagement parties. One was a formal cocktail party at a venue, and the other was a more casual backyard garden party. There is something more inviting and welcoming about being invited to someone’s home. The backyard garden engagement party at a private residence was more fun.
What Usually Happens at an Engagement Party?
I was invited to a former colleague’s engagement party, and I went by myself. It was on a Saturday at 3:00 pm. Initially, I would stay for one hour tops and then quietly stroll away. But instead, I stayed for three and a half hours and truly enjoyed myself.
The party’s theme was Jurassic Park because the groom proposed in front of the Jurassic Park Disney World, at Universal Orlando, Florida, on a trip they had taken four months prior. In addition, their officiant for the wedding arrived in a dinosaur costume as a surprise.
Guests entered through a side gate directly into the backyard. There was plenty of tables, chairs on the lawn, soft background music, and shady spots to sit. Upon guest arrival, there was a beverage table and a welcome table to place a gift or card. There were not many gifts, approximately 6-10 cards or gifts for a party with about 40-50 guests.
Note: The cocktail engagement party I attended two weeks prior had a gift table with about 20-25 gifts and 80-100 guests present.
There were three “guest” games, and one of the games was a string necklace with a plastic ring on the end. The point of the game was you couldn’t say certain words like Marriage, Engagement, Wedding, Newlyweds, etc. If you did say any of those taboo words and another guest heard you, they could take away your necklace ring. The person with the most necklace rings around their neck won. A highly competitive 10-year-old boy who was the best man’s son won. He had collected 18 necklace rings.
The groom’s sister made a cake, and it was a delicious three-tiered S’mores cake. The soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. enjoyed beach bonfires at sunset and making S’mores together.
Both sets of parents of the newlyweds were present at the party (and still married to each other). The party was hosted at the groom’s parent’s home, and the best man gave the congratulatory toast.
Do You Bring Something to an Engagement Party?
Yes, bring “conversation” to the party. Though it is perfectly acceptable not to bring a gift to an engagement party, it doesn’t feel right for some people like me. I did get a small gift, Toilet Tag a game for couples.
For the engagement party two weeks prior, I purchased a book, A Year of Us; it’s a daily journal where couples ask one question a day about each other.
It’s also a lovely gesture to bring a card, champagne, wine, or a bottle of the couple’s drink of choice.
Who Usually Goes to an Engagement Party?
Both sides of the family, close friends, and the wedding party should attend the engagement party. The table I sat at was work-related colleagues. The bride to be had recently left our company two months prior. This was an excellent time to discuss car-pooling plans since the wedding venue is three hours away from our hometown. We also decided to get an Airbnb to accommodate the 12 of us.
Story Time Wedding
~ Note: This story happened five years prior in another county ~
Know your audience when attending an engagement party and be familiar with what an “engagement party” actually is. I realize for some people (neanderthals) that when you put the word “party” on the invitation, that may translate into a crazy 24-hour road trip to Vegas that no one speaks about later….EVER.
Most engagement parties are typically tame, calm, and mellow, especially with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and oftentimes small innocent children present. So if you are the best man attending an engagement party at the bride’s parent’s home, try and avoid overdrinking. Your best friend, the groom, might forgive you for stripping down to your Fruit of the Loom briefs and doing a cannonball into the pool, but the bride and her parents, not so much!
Conclusion
All that matters is that you show up for the engagement party and celebrate together. Without sounding too corny, your presence is a gift. In the coming months, you will be spending more time with this group of people at the bridal shower, possibly the bachelorette or bachelor party, and then finally on the big day. So break bread together and swap stories about how you met the couple.
~ Happy planning and enjoy your wedding day steps ~